Starting on a New Journey in Life After the End of a Relationship
- Mark Edwards ·
- 6 Comments ·
- June 19, 2018
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. One day you can be riding high, and the next you are making a drastic descent towards earth. Relationships are full of them, and when one ends, it can feel like the end of the world.
After so many false starts, you might have found “the one”, and after so many years of trials and tribulations, you might have gone your separate ways out of choice, or out of necessity. And life is always going to show you how to get out of a certain situation, but when a relationship ends, and you’re on the receiving end of it, it can feel like everything is coming crashing down around you, that you’ve got no options left in life because The One has gone. But, out of the terrible situations, comes good. And for all these silly platitudes about making yourself a new man after a relationship has finished, there are so many simple things you can do that makes you realize that it might have been the best thing to happen to you. So, you’ve been in a relationship, how do you start on a new journey in life?
Reclaim Your Sense of Self
Relationships are all about sharing yourself with your significant other. As a result, the lines can get blurred, and you may not have had a sense of self anymore, but you may have operated with two heads. This is part of many relationships, and when a relationship comes to an end, you may not have a clue who you are anymore. Reclaiming your sense of self means going back to what makes you inherently you. From one perspective, you can finally watch exactly what you want to watch on TV, and not have to share, but on the other hand, you can make your living space exactly how you want it. If you shared an apartment together, finding a place that you can completely turn into a bachelor pad is a great way to make that break with the past. It can be very easy to keep constant reminders of your relationship around, from pictures of the two of you to a gift that was bought for you a long time ago and reminds you of an amazing evening you both shared. Get rid of them all. Maybe at some point, you will be able to look at these things without being reminded of the past, but in the meantime, it’s time to focus well and truly on yourself.
What Do You Need to Get Closure?
Closure is one of those things that some people need in order to move on, but others view it as something that isn’t really necessary. If you find that you need to do something symbolic to make a break with the past, such as burning pictures; if it helps, that is great. It all depends on the circumstances of how you broke up, but also of the relationship was like. If you were a victim, either emotionally or physically, getting closure can take a long time, if you have to work through specific issues. Sometimes it’s not just about the emotional aspects that you have to work through, there could be long and convoluted legal ramifications. If you had a partner who was violent, or there are domestic disputes that need to be solved, either with regards to the money or you pressed charges for a specific reason, these can make the act of achieving closure very difficult. Legal professionals like attorney Michelle Suskauer are used to dealing with difficult, family-oriented cases, which can make the process less stressful in the long run. Of course, going through the legal process is something that nobody should have to endure for longer than necessary, but if you feel that going through this does give you closure, if it’s your right to go through the dispute. Drawing a line in the sand can be a metaphorical or tangible thing, and it depends on your own specific attitudes to the act of closure, but to get through to the other side, you’ll have to endure some of the bad stuff. It’s just a fact of life.
Is It Time to Make Some Changes?
When going through the emotional turmoil after a breakup, you will do a lot of soul-searching. You might be very hard on yourself, too hard in fact. And while people will sugarcoat the situation, and tell you not to be so hard on yourself, it can be a necessary process, as long as you are able to do it for a specific purpose. Taking the blame for everything and punishing yourself isn’t productive, but looking at what you’ve done wrong and what you could have done better, is healthier. It might not even be about something so dense, sometimes relationships falter because of certain lifestyle choices. Couples can get into a sedentary lifestyle that one half of the unit is happy with, but the other wants something more. As a result, making a few simple lifestyle changes could be the solution for you. And while you might think that it’s too late for making changes to help the relationship, so, therefore, you don’t make the effort at all, the relationship you have with you could very well be the thing to help you get your life in check. Lifestyle changes are great little things we can implement to make every day feel a little bit better. When you are in the midst of a breakup or going through a grieving period, you could very easily neglect your body and your mind, and feel tempted to go down the bar all day, every day. There’s a point where you feel that, after the 18th hangover, it’s time to get yourself in check. It seems that so many people hit the gym after a relationship, not just because it’s a great way to get back in shape, but it is a great way for you to his still some sense of focus in yourself, and achieve the results you’ve always wanted. Leaving the gym feeling more attractive, because you’ve lost weight, is going to make you feel much better about yourself. Likewise, eating the right things isn’t just about having a good diet for the sake of it, you will feel better. Instead of gorging on sugary treats, you will make healthy swaps, so you don’t feel that sense of sluggishness, fueling your body with the right things. Because, when we get into a relationship, we let ourselves go, and as a result, feel a bit comfier. This does mean settling into some unhealthy habits, which is why it’s something to take control of now.
Looking Back and Seeing What You’ve Learnt
It’s something you shouldn’t do until a few months afterwards, or, if it’s a divorce, maybe a couple of years. But, taking the time to look back over the relationship and dissect what you have learnt, and what you’ve become is one of the essential processes for you to move on. Sometimes, we can become worse as the result of being in a relationship, but we don’t realize it at the time. So, if you are taking the time to drill deep down, and examine your time in the relationship, you might realize that breaking up was the best thing to happen to you. Sometimes people are happier on their own, and so, if you look back and see that you were just miserable in the relationship, but you held onto it for fear of being alone, embracing that aloneness might be the thing to change your entire life. A lot of people now find themselves happier being on their own, but society used to dictate that you needed “someone” to make you happy. This is never the case, and you should never fall for these trappings. On the other hand, you could look back at your relationship and see what you could take to the next one. A lot of people jump from one relationship to the next, but this means that they aren’t taking that time to learn what they did wrong. In many ways, this is shirking your emotional responsibilities to yourself. Taking that time to look over a relationship, as well as spend time by yourself, is empowering.
Starting a new journey after any relationship, good or bad, means you’ve got to take a leap into the unknown. Because you spent so much time with someone else, those first tentative steps can be scary. But, you may find yourself freer than ever before. This gives you the opportunity to do so much with your life, things that you weren’t able to do before, and so, this gives you the opportunity to develop yourself, or completely change yourself. But starting on a new journey means, for many people, finding closure, looking deep into themselves to see what they could do better next time round, but also, taking that opportunity to be the best person possible. You may feel like you’re on your own, but, being on your own might be the best thing to ever happen to you.
What an excellent reflective piece. Nice one, Mark! I have finally come through a painful break up, which wasn’t helped by the fact we worked together and still do. It is about stepping back from the heart of the problem and taking stock.